Missing
"Color my life with the chaos of trouble." -The Boy With The Arab Strap
"Oh the blood and the treasure and the losing and all, the time that we waste and the place where we fall. Will we wake in the morning and know what it was for, up in our bedroom, after the war?
How I know your face, all the ways you move, I can't read you, you're my favorite book. All the things you say. The way you shift your eyes. I never knew that there was someone to make me come alive.
What I'm trying to say, is what I want to say, without having to say: I love you.
In every single place that has ever, ever been...there is only one thing." -Stars
And here comes Adulthood, smiling and expecting great things. I feel like I'm being pushed into it. Senior Project looms, being a normal driver looms, finding a job, finding a place in a society that I have almost no association with. It scares me that I know all sorts of things that seem useless, too abstract. Is it a good thing to know what Actin and Myosin do, or how they work? knowledge for the sake of knowledge. I need to know which world I belong to.
About the 'normal driver': I can drive, sense danger, drive defensively, be too safe in fact, never go fast enough. What scares me is that when I drive, I always think of how close death is, just a moments lapse away. I cannot act like everybody else when I drive. I feel very different. Perhaps it is the knowledge of just how much inertia there is spinning under my wheels, the knowledge of what would happen if I hit something, somebody. I can't drive. I'd sooner walk 26 miles.
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so bad its a sickness, he can't function because everyday tasks require so much thought, so much what if.
Ardor fills his lungs, bursts out in bubbles too soon to capture, sadder than a broken glass figurine.
He wanders aimlessly into city alleys, checking empty pockets for memories, breathing crisp air because he has to, he doesn't want to.
Expectations and reality never mix.
"Absence is to the heart what wind is to fire: it extinguishes the small and enkindles the great." -Jessy
