Missing

"Color my life with the chaos of trouble." -The Boy With The Arab Strap


"Oh the blood and the treasure and the losing and all, the time that we waste and the place where we fall. Will we wake in the morning and know what it was for, up in our bedroom, after the war?

How I know your face, all the ways you move, I can't read you, you're my favorite book. All the things you say. The way you shift your eyes. I never knew that there was someone to make me come alive.

What I'm trying to say, is what I want to say, without having to say: I love you.

In every single place that has ever, ever been...there is only one thing." -Stars

Thank you Stars, Jessy, that old woman who picked my bag of chips up when I slipped in front of the store, to the church janitor for locking up the church late. Its the small things that count in life right, everybody else just loses track.

Night time from my roof, midsummer

And here comes Adulthood, smiling and expecting great things. I feel like I'm being pushed into it. Senior Project looms, being a normal driver looms, finding a job, finding a place in a society that I have almost no association with. It scares me that I know all sorts of things that seem useless, too abstract. Is it a good thing to know what Actin and Myosin do, or how they work? knowledge for the sake of knowledge. I need to know which world I belong to.

About the 'normal driver': I can drive, sense danger, drive defensively, be too safe in fact, never go fast enough. What scares me is that when I drive, I always think of how close death is, just a moments lapse away. I cannot act like everybody else when I drive. I feel very different. Perhaps it is the knowledge of just how much inertia there is spinning under my wheels, the knowledge of what would happen if I hit something, somebody. I can't drive. I'd sooner walk 26 miles.

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so bad its a sickness, he can't function because everyday tasks require so much thought, so much what if.
Ardor fills his lungs, bursts out in bubbles too soon to capture, sadder than a broken glass figurine.
He wanders aimlessly into city alleys, checking empty pockets for memories, breathing crisp air because he has to, he doesn't want to.
Expectations and reality never mix.

"Absence is to the heart what wind is to fire: it extinguishes the small and enkindles the great." -Jessy

The Happiest Place On Earth

"I believe everything happens for a reason.  People change so that you can learn to let go.  Things go wrong so you appreciate them when they are right.  You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself.  and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."  -Marilyn Monroe


Our lives ravish us with points too fine to argue with; during those times it might be best to just listen, and learn of the beautiful things, the kind things, the things pointing toward the remarkable features that gravitate toward life.

Dayum, so I've harbored a cough for nigh on three weeks now, persistent like a good salesman, except that I don't want their product.  A fever came and went, sniffles stopped by to say high.  Christmas passed uneventfully, took pictures with Santa.  I received a hug for Christmas, much welcomed in the solitude of break.  I'm sorry, but I'm not off on high adventures filled with intrigue, can't drive.  Pretty much lame from the bottom up.  But oooh, almost forgot to tell you!  I also acquired a leather jacket, repels cold like Gandalf at a choke point.  And converse!  Psyche.  Black high top classic, with pink shoe lace.  I stand up straighter in converse, makes me seem more confident, which is a good sign.

Happy Holidays I guess.  Take a walk.  Never remark on how late the day is.  Say you'll love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summertime.  Say you need me with you, let me lead you from you solitude.  Let your mind start to journey to a strange new world, leave all thoughts of the life you knew before.  Let your soul take you where you want to be.  Night air holds power over me.